~LadyTL

well ive been playing around with writing stories and im not sure...

should i post them? yay or nay??

i found this outside my music class, I did not create it nor take credit to the fact that its hilarious, People who want to get made at me and flame me are espcially welcome to comment ^_^


God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you perfer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper
__ Bible
__ Torah
__ Book of Mormon
__ Koran
__ Other Book
__ Television
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth
__ Dead Sea scrolls
__ My mam done tol' me
__ Near Death Experience
__ Near-life Experience
__ National Public Radio
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shubbery
__ Who?
__ Other (please specify):__________________

2. Which model God did you aquire?
__ Yahweh
__ Jehovah
__ Allah
__ Just plain God
__ Krishna
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost (Trinity Pak)
__ Zeus and entourage (Olympus Pak)
__ Odin and entourage (Valhalla Pak)
__ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
__ None of the above; I was taken in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes
__ No

If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here. Please indicate all that apply:
__ Not eternal
__ Not omniscient
__ Not omnipotent
__ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire universe
__ Permits sex outside of marriage
__ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
__ Makes mistakes (Geraldo Rivera, Jesse Helms)
__ When beseeched, doesn't stay beseeched
__ Requires burnt offerings
__ Requires virgin sacrifices
__ Plays dice with the universe

4. What factors were relevant in your descision to acquire a God? Please check all that apply.
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed a target for rage
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for self
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Needed blind moral righteousness to justify violence
__ Fear of death
__ Needed a day away from work
__ Enjoy organ music
__ Needed to feel morally superior
__ Graduated from the tooth fairy
__ My shubbery caught fire and told me to do it

5. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Self-help books
__ Tarot, Astrology
__ Star Trek re-runs
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Chicken Soup for the something-or-other
__ Biorhythms
__ EST
__ Television
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggart
__ Crystals (not including Crystal Gale)
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Wandering around the desert
__ Burning shrubbery
__ Other:_____________________________

6. Have you ever worshiped a false God?
__ Yes
__ No

If Yes, by which false God were you fooled? (Please check all that apply.)
__ Odin
__ Cthulhu
__ Lottery
__ Baal
__ Beelzebub
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ The Conservative Right
__ Mick Jagger
__ Bill Gates
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ A burning cabbage
__ Other:__________________________

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you perfer? (Please circle one)
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know - what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also tries to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 to 5 God's handling of the following: (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent)

Disaster:
1 2 3 4 5 flood
1 2 3 4 5 famine
1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
1 2 3 4 5 war
1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
1 2 3 4 5 plague
1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 5 Republican Congress
1 2 3 4 5 Democratic Congress
1 2 3 4 5 Dubya
1 2 3 4 5 my last relationship

Miracles:
1 2 3 4 5 rescues
1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5 AOL
1 2 3 4 5 VCRs that set their own clocks
1 2 3 4 5 clear and competent statements by the President
1 2 3 4 5 my present relationship

9. Please rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 unsatisfactory, 5 excellent):
1 2 3 4 5 God's courtesy
1 2 3 4 5 answers to your prayers
1 2 3 4 5 Are your spiritual needs being met?
1 2 3 4 5 How are your shrubs doing?

10. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach additional sheets if necessary.)
________________________________________ ________________________________________ _________

Thank you for your time and attention to these divine matters. You may now resume your normal life.

Hello everyone out there in Internet Land! I am overjoyed!! I AM GOING TO GET TO SPEND TWO WEEKS WITH MY LOVE ANDREW!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEE!!! *spends 6 hours striahgt, screaming* okay im almost done *spends 6 days more screaming* okays almost....heh just kidding ^^

Yes the bus tickets have been gotten and everything so I'm set.

Oh and yesterday when me and Jamie were out shopping, we came up with this funny story. See I said when I'm like 80 or whatever I'm going to try to make a cult then die in a WAKO shootout type thing but she came up with something better I should do. I go into the nursing home and start a cult there and try to brainwash other people and the government will over react and think I'm some sort of terrorist sleeper cell and attack us all. *laughs evilly* its perfect!! heh

later laters

<FONT SIZE="4">Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!</FONT>

oh and i got a fun new haircut ^^

well heyla again ^^ there was a snow storm last wendsday ^^ canceled classes and totally screwed up my entire week and weekend it threw me off my scedual and messed things up >< tore down alot of branches though which was neat im working now still just part time though im a dishwasher yes ive joined the prestigious line of dishwashing god my job sucks -_-;; oh well at least im making money which means ill get to see my andrew at christmas!!! *throws one second orgy of happiness* gonna take a bus and everything and get to spend the holidays being sickeningly sweet and lovey dovey with him i expect one of his family to mostly likely throw up form it by the end *laughs manically* life is finally good and why? NO PARENTS!!!!! yes! i am freeeeeee!!!! free from nagging, from whining, from unfairness in everything and from brokeness! i have friends i have work and i go places and do things and why? no parents ^_^ finally all my once unknown good karma is hitting me!! granted life is not perfect far from it im in debt (im in college what do you expect) ive got bills to pay laundry to do packages to ship classes to attend and i have to work my job with mostly idiots *sighs* but i have plenty of andrew time i mostly get my homework done on time i attend most of my classes alright so ive missed some to a bunch but im still passing all of them and i know the material im doing fairly good with my awesome roomie shannon although we do have conflicts from time to time but no one is perfect espcially not me i did have worse problems early on though i was in a different room and roommate less because my old roomie left after one night with me (not a night owl like me and shannon) more later maybe